The transcript below isn't found on any Homestar Runner related thingy. Me and Lapper (Mostly Lapper) made it one day when we were bored.


Mike: We should get our old buddy, you know, the best film maker in Atlanta.


Matt: Craig?


Mike: No, not him.


Matt: The guy who made that film. about those guys. in that place You know, the uh... the uh... producer in Atlanta. Old, what's-his-name.


Missy: Eikhoff, Dear.


Mike: Right, him.


Matt: I SAW that film.


Mike: You did not.


Matt: I did.


Mike: How was it?


Matt: You really wanna know?


Missy: Yeah.


Matt: It was total crap. {Mike laughs} Seriously. Like, 0 out of 5, but the best total crap in the state!! I know. I know. Call him. {Matt dials}


{Dial tone}






Chad: Who the crap are you guys?


Matt: Old friends, buddy. Back in Mrs. What's-her-name.


Chad: Stop bothering me or I'll call the cops!


Matt: Kindergarten class. No, wait {Mike is laughing hard}




Matt: We're your buddies.


Mike: Nah... Just stick his name there.


Missy: Y'all are drunk as hell.


Matt: Right.


Mike: He wouldn't mind.


Matt: Just throw some animations from the sketchbook on there. Just... just use the scanner.


Missy: I'm taking you to a detox unit; your BAC is like 3 times the legal limit.


Matt: Don't take us to detox.


Mike: We're not even that drun...


Matt: Drunk. Right.


Mike: What was in this fried chicken?


Matt: honestly. We didn't drink anything.


Missy: I don't care. Y'all are so drunk.


Matt: Fine. Can... can...


Mike: Can we bring the chicken bucket with us?


Missy: No, just don't eat that. It's like basted in Everclear.


Mike: Hon, we're... right in the middle of making a cartoon...


Matt: A cartoon. {Missy drags them into car}


Matt: C'mon. I don't wanna go.


{Back in Chad's place)


Chad: Hon, who were those guys?


Wife: I think they went to your kindergarten class, dear.


Chad: Oh, those guys? They'll just probably throw my name on their cartoon for good measure. Bunch of losers.


{Cut to back of car, Missy dragging TBC by shirts}


Matt & Mike: We don't wanna go.


Matt: We're busy...


Mike: Lying about our cast...


Matt: Right, we're too busy... lying to go to detox.


Missy: Shut up. Jeez, Matt if you put me in that cartoon of yours...


Matt: Fine, fine.


Mike: You won't be in it.


Matt: Or at least you won't talk.


Missy: Honestly, this website idea of yours is completely bogus. Do you honestly think you can make a livin' off this?


Matt: Absolutely.


Mike: Definitely.


Matt: I'm quitting my job right now... {Dials cell phone}


{Missy grabs cell phone}


Missy: You better not.


Mike: I already have.


Missy: Mike, dang it, how are we going to support ourselves?


Mike: I don't know.


{Matt grabs cell phone, dials, yells incoherently, closes cell phone, hands back to Missy in under 2 seconds}


Matt: I just did, too. We're unemployed.


Mike: Wrong. We're self-employed.


{Missy groans, walks away}


Matt: We have the greatest jobs.


Mike: Yeah, I order the chicken, and you talk in various voices.


Matt: Right. And Missy... Missy... yells at us...


Mike: And tells us to do stupid things...


Matt: Like bathe... and eat... and... and... {Chokes}


Mike: And breathe...


Matt: {exhales} Stupid stuff like that...


Mike: Yeah...


Matt: Jeez, Mike, you have a bucket of chicken on your head.


Mike: Oh, Gosh. {takes off bucket} That's embarassing.


Missy: I swear, if you two get that drunk again, I won't tell you to when to breathe anymore.


Matt: You neglect us!




Mike: Wait, New Orleans is under water?


Missy: {Groans} Y'all are drunk as hell.