Seaside Lament (Sand)


Baby always wanted to spend a day at the beach

But I’d be just as happy if the seaside were well out of reach

Sure I like the sun, and the little beach town

And I’m a good enough swimmer that I’ll never drown

And I always come back with a tan, but wearing a frown

 

But I don’t like sa-a-a-a-and

(Dirty and gritty, it’s litter for kitty

You just can’t escape it, I don’t want to shape it

And worst of all it gets) down my pants

 

But I don’t like sa-a-a-a-and

(Hop in the shower and scrub for an hour)

Down my pants

 

My baby complains that we’ve never been to the shore

She finally convinced me to go but I won’t anymore

I stayed in the car and watched the portable TV

 

But my baby got mad and ran on down to the sea

She came back with a bucket and shovel and came after me

 

And she put sa-a-a-a-and

(A sediment surf route that passed through my swimsuit

A million pit vipers, in my ocean diapers

My baby she put sand) down my pants

 

My baby put sa-a-a-a-and

(You know that my pants are a portable sandbar)

Down my pants

 

Ooh it’s gritty

In surf city

Ooh it’s gritty

(I just can’t shake it)

In surf city

(Until I’m naked)

You know it makes my Speedo

Crunch like Doritos

 

I’ve got shifting dunes in my fruit of the looms

 

My baby put sa-a-a-a-and

(Hop in the shower and scrub for an hour)

Sand down my…

 

Little surfer girl went and found someone knew

The lesson is learned don’t let it happen to you

But when I get lonely for her there’s something I do

 

I just put sa-a-a-a-and

(Though I could kiss her whenever I miss her

The sand is my friend now, all’s well in the end now

A treasure chest of sand) down my pants